The Law

You want to know something interesting? he proffered.

I suppose you’re going to tell me (she rolls her eyes).

I was people watching in Valletta today, just opposite the Law Courts, and it definitely looks to me that 99% of couples are evenly matched when it comes to their level of physical attractiveness. It may have been my proximity to the court house, but I was thinking that it was… like a rule, or a law, or something. A law of nature.

Oh yeah? Fascinating.

Yeah (you don’t have to be sarcastic, you know). No. Really. You rarely see a couple where one partner is a lot more attractive than the other. I mean, you always get exceptions to any law. In this case, it would be the phenomenon of “punching above your weight” and all that, but that’s pretty damn unusual. Mostly it’s fairly even. Very attractive looking women seem to be with very attractive looking men, moderately attractive men seem to be with moderately attractive women, unattractive looking people seem to be partnered with other unattractive looking people, obese people are mostly with other obese people, partners are around the same age etc. etc. It all seems to be in balance. And another law is that the male is usually a little taller than the female.

Bad luck for you, there.

Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. Very nice of you.


As a matter of fact, I am very attracted to tall women. I wouldn’t care at all if my partner was taller. Even, much taller. I’m very non-sexist about that. In fact, my sexual fantasy is to sleep with a giant woman.

That would make her a sleeping giant.

Will you stop it, please? I’m trying to have a sensible conversation, here.

Sensible conversation … about sleeping with giant women.

YES. Back to the discussion. Just like in criminal law, in “the law of equal partner attractiveness” – I think I’m onto something, here! – there are mitigating and aggravating factors. When it comes to matching attractiveness, justice is achieved with these balancing factors. Height is an example. A man can be with a slightly more attractive woman if he is more than just slightly taller than her. Or wealth; vis a vis older man, younger woman. And breasts when it comes to women- obvious BIG factor.


And humour. Girls love “funny”. It’s all about achieving justice in the law of equal attractiveness. You see! just like a judge using mitigating and aggravating factors to work out justice in sentencing a criminal.

This whole conversation is borderline criminal, if you ask me. So…girls love “funny”? Guess that leaves you out again.

Will you quit it! What is with you?

Just being the devil’s advocate.

Oh, droll…very droll… “advocate” …very funny.

I love funny.



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